Every week I’ll be bringing you content from one of my all time favorite bloggers and my friend, Lincoln Anthony Blades of This Is Your Conscience. I have a ton of his posts bookmarked and I’ll just be adding my commentary on some of the things he writes about. This week, the topic of discussion is the no-expectationship!
Like Lincoln, I’m totally over the way that people approach relationships these days, especially when engaging in conversation with those of us who are single and at the age where society says we should be getting ready for marriage. They constantly remind us how we aren’t getting any younger (like we thought we would magically stay the same age), ask us how long it’s going to be before we start looking for someone or if you’re an unmarried woman with no children like myself, you’ll answer many questions about why you don’t have any children and when you’re planning on making some. Then, if you’re lucky enough to find someone that shares your interests and desires, as soon as word gets out that you’re dating, they begin to ask you a series of questions about where the two of you are headed as a couple….as if you truly know the answer to that.
If you aren’t careful, you can easily get sucked into the mentality of thinking that you always have to know where something is going. You can have all the self-confidence in the world but constantly being badgered about your relationship with someone (or lack thereof) can make the most secure person start to doubt themselves or doubt that they actually have a future with the person they’re dating. The solution? Enter into a no expectationship.
Here’s how Lincoln defines a no-expectationship:
“This is a relationship where the focus is on loving, caring for, getting to know and appreciating your partner every single day without stressing yourself out about a future you can’t possibly control. This is NOT about engaging in a casual relationship, or a non-committed relationship, because this is very much a monogamous (and possibly serious) arrangement between two people who both know they want the same thing – yet whom REFUSE to live their lives constantly questioning when the NEXT step is coming.”
He continues with:
“A no-expectationship is NOT about leading each other on, because the only reason why you should both be in a relationship together is based on the fact that you are both on the same page in terms of your long-term goals (kids, marriage, mortgage, etc.), but it’s essentially just a relationship where both parties agree on a simple truism about life: “We can’t predict the future, so instead of trying to live in it, we are going to appreciate what we have RIGHT NOW.”
I guess I could describe my current situation as a no-expectationship and I absolutely love it. It’s so easy. It’s so natural and right now, with all my own personal aspirations and desires, I wouldn’t have it any other way. I’m going to agree with Lincoln in that living in the future doesn’t benefit your relationship. It’s OK to plan for the future and discuss it…but you can’t live in it. You have to appreciate the now.
The no-expectationship is not about not wanting to commit, it simply is a way to enjoy love without always expecting something or trying to predict the next move. Just let it flow, baby!
Read Lincoln’s article here: F*^K What Everyone Says And Just Enjoy Your NO-EXPECTATIONSHIP