Sex, Love & Relationships

The Major Differences Between Dating A Boy And A Man

Let me just go on and put this out here in case you didn’t know – this post isn’t talking in terms of age. I’ve met some 35-year-old boys (yuck!) and some 18-year-old men. Age has nothing to do with anything you’re about to read below. Now that housekeeping is done, let’s get into it!

I’m almost ashamed to admit this, but I’m just now beginning to date men. Yes, at 27-years-old, I’ve realized that I’ve never really dated a man. I truly thought I was but I didn’t know I hadn’t been dating men until I started dating a man. Understand what I mean by that?

But now that I’ve experienced it, the differences between boys and men are so apparent. The distinction is extremely clear and once you’ve dealt with a man you’ll probably never waste your time with a boy parading as one…unless of course that’s what you want. But what woman wants that? I’m not saying every woman wants to be in a relationship and eventually get married. What I am saying is that real women don’t like to play games and boys…well, they play lots of them.

That brings me to my first point.

When I started becoming a grown woman, I wanted a man.

First things first, opposites do not attract. At least fundamentally they don’t. You’re attracted to people who are like you; meaning their flaws are usually similar to yours – you just don’t see it right away. So if you have commitment issues, you are likely to be attracted to someone who does as well. You’ll be upset with them about it until you realize that you’re not ready to commit either. Likewise, as and when you start growing and maturing, you’ll find yourself attracted to people who are doing the same. When I was ready to stop playing games, I couldn’t waste my time playing them with someone anymore.

You’ll never have to ask a man “what are we?” He’ll tell you. Boys like grey areas and will lead you on.

This is my favorite thing about dating a man. I’ve never felt confused or questioned what we’re doing. He made his intentions very clear from the beginning and has backed those intentions up with his actions. Boys prefer to keep things really “open,” for lack of a better word. Their actions never line up with their words one way or the other. They constantly keep you guessing.

Men always have a plan. Boys like to go with the flow.

Men are very intentional. They’re purposive in their actions. I remember talking about relationships and marriage with my sweetheart one morning when he said, “Jessica all of this is calculated.” I didn’t know he had a plan per se when we started dating for real (I’ve been running from him for 10 years) but when he said that, I felt very secure in our situation. Boys don’t like to even bring up relationships or marriage. They like to date to pass the time until you get boring. Then someone new comes along and he strings her along until she gets boring and then he’s back to you…or on to the next. Don’t be sad for long though because the next female won’t get much more than the boy gave you. You’re winning either way! Men aren’t in a rush but they don’t have time to waste because they understand how valuable time is.

Boys think they are the prize, men understand that they have to put in work (and they’re willing to do so).

This is one of the major differences. Another thing my sweetheart told me that morning was that he was always willing to put in the effort because he knew that one day it would pay off. Men understand that:

“He who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor from the Lord.” (Proverbs 18:22 NKJV)

Men understand that they have to work and show a woman how special she is and how vital she is to his life. Boys like for women to chase them because it does something for their ego. I’m not saying men aren’t prizes because they are in their own right but they don’t want to be a prize – they want a great woman by their side because she’s the real treasure. They persevere and know when to make it official. They won’t let you get away if he loves you and wants to be with you.

Men are not intimidated by tough questions. Boys avoid them.

Men aren’t afraid to answer your tough questions. Wanna know if he has a relationship with God? Wanna know if he has a dream or goals? Wanna know what type of parent he wants to be? Wanna know if he will take care of you and support you? Just ask. He’ll answer because more often than not, he knows. Boys avoid them because they are things he either a) hasn’t thought about or b) don’t want to think about.

A man keeps his word. Boys go ghost.

You can depend on a man. He answers your calls and returns them if he misses one. Men respond to your text messages. They make time for you and whatever they say they’re going to do, they do. Boys often go missing and offer you a lame excuse or none at all. Then when they’re back “on,” they want you to be too.

Men are consistent. Boys are consistently inconsistent.

Over time all the bullshit a boy tells you when you’re first getting to know him will turn out to be just that – bullshit. Boys are actors, pretending to be men so eventually they get out of character because they’re not at a point in their life where they are who they’re portraying themselves to be. Boys often have a skewed view of who they really are. They usually think they’re a lot better off than they are, which makes it hard for them to grow. Men are consistent from the very start and their actions hardly ever make a change for the worse. If the relationship doesn’t work out, it’s more than likely due to you just not being compatible because again, men don’t play games so they aren’t going to fake and front.

This is not advice, this is insight based on my experience and the experiences of other people I know. Again…boys can be any age. Age is truly just a number.

Please share how you know the difference in the comment section! Disagree with what I said? Tell me why. Either way, just talk to me LOL.

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