The Jessica Diaries

The Jessica Diaries: I’m Struggling

jessica-simien-struggle-to-pursue-dreams

I’m having the hardest time trying to work out a balance between working my new job and continuing the work on my dream.

I wrote a couple of weeks ago about coming to terms with getting a full-time job (read my article here) so I’m hoping that for everyone who commented and told me that they were in a similar situation, you all will comment this time and share with me ways that you’ve been able to find a balance without wanting to quit the job.

I’m still very grateful to have a salaried position and for not having to worry about money or things we take for granted like medical insurance and retirement plans. For the most part, I enjoy my job but as I knew it would, that feeling of anxiety and fearing that I’d get stuck is rearing its ugly head.

I don’t have very much time to write, I haven’t even worked on my book in weeks (tear) and I’m having to schedule my personal and website related activities around the job…even as and when I don’t know when or where I’ll have to be at any given moment. It’s frustrating and I feel like every day that I don’t post an article I’m losing valuable readers, thus pushing me further from actually writing full time.

The other day I exploded into tears while talking to my mom about it because she doesn’t understand how I feel. She can’t comprehend why I won’t just shut up and be happy (or why I didn’t turn down the job) but as I tried to explain to her, there is something burninginside of me to write and communicate with people. I feel like my words touch the lives of others, even if in a very small way. Every day that I can’t do that, I feel sad and I’m suffering. I likened it to a slow death. I don’t care about the money…I’d write every single day of my life, all day long for free if I could. It’s that serious and important to me.

Continue reading on my personal blog by clicking here.

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