If you follow me on Snapchat, you may remember me revealing that I had been going through a lot for the past two or three weeks. My life has been stressful on all fronts – career-wise, spiritually, financially, emotionally and whatever else makes up our life experiences.
Normally I take it all in stride but this time it was harder for me to cope.
I couldn’t grasp why I’ve been in such a place of “lack” for so long. I couldn’t think of anything that I’d done and I felt that I’d genuinely been letting The Lord lead me. But by the looks of my life (the part that you can’t see on social media) I felt lost and far from being led. I questioned God a little. I even told my Aunt Nette that I didn’t know what to pray about or for, so I wasn’t really talking to God either.
I was trying my best to appreciate what I have instead of focusing on what I’m lacking, but that wasn’t working. Do you know how awful it feels to be dating but still lacking companionship? What about having everything you need but not knowing when your next dime will come or where it will come from? Or this one – knowing you’re doing the right thing as far as your career but not having lots of evidence to back it up and keep people out of your business?
I’ve felt all those things and more. Yes, the same person who talks so much about spirituality and staying positive found herself down in the dumps and unwilling to get out of bed.
I was embarrassed because I wasn’t being strong enough. I wasn’t remembering who I was and how far I’ve come. I wasn’t throwing a pity party but I was honestly having a difficult time getting myself back on track. And no one would let me just deal with it in my own way…well except for Nette. I didn’t need or want someone telling me what to do or trying to convince me that I needed to pack up and run, like always. I wanted someone to say that it’s OK to not have it all together all the time.
As I drove to help a close friend paint a few things for her upcoming wedding, I looked at the clock on my dash and I immediately got inspiration on how I would pull myself out of the slump.
Hour by hour.
I told myself that if I can just get to the next hour, I would be OK.
Think about it. We always tell each other to take things step by step and “one thing at a time,” but how often do we really apply that to our lives? I know I’ve never done that in real life. Instead of breaking projects and tasks into phases, we just dive head first with little direction or measurement. That often causes us to become overwhelmed or like I was feeling, lost…because I had lost my direction and couldn’t focus.
Now whenever I’m feeling anxious or starting to worry about anything and even when I’m missing someone, I just breathe and try to make it to the next hour. So far, it’s working.