The Jessica Diaries

The Jessica Diaries: Highs & Lows

My son made four weeks old yesterday and I’m proud to say that I’m beginning to get the hang of this motherhood thing. Babies aren’t that complicated and at his age, they don’t require that much brainpower. If you make sure they’re fed, clean and in a safe environment that’s really all there is to it. It’s all the other stuff that comes with them that makes it complicated!

I haven’t been active on social media much, my activity rate actually declined tremendously from the point I found out I was pregnant and it just seemed to totally change my social media habits. However, whenever I am online, I’m the typical new mom sharing something about her precious baby (sue me). Since Marley’s birth, I’ve talked a lot about how much happiness he brings me and how he is a reflection of God and all the sweet stuff you can think of as and when it comes to new life.

I’d be lying if I said it’s all rainbows and butterflies though.

I’m going to have to agree with the masses and co-sign that the first two weeks are the hardest. Personally, my lowest lows of motherhood so far were in the first two weeks, peaking around the 10th day with him.

I went from being totally exhausted and not being able to get adequate rest in the hospital (between the nurses and visitors – you’re constantly being interrupted) to being home and not getting adequate rest and having to figure out things on your own. It’s a really quick transition and because of it, I’ve been suffering from postpartum depression and anxiety.

The hormonal changes are a beast. I’ve felt guilt for bringing him into the world, sadness because I’ll never be able to just think about myself anymore (selfish, I know), worry about him growing up in an evil world and depression because of all of the things I just mentioned. On the other hand, I stare at him in awe of how perfect he is and how much he reminds me of myself and his dad and I’m so grateful for him and want to protect, provide and love him as much as I have it inside of me to do.

Because of all the things I experienced during my pregnancy, I knew I was at risk for postpartum depression so I was able to semi-prepare for it. I’ve always had anxiety issues but now that a baby is added to the mix, anxiety surfaces in situations that were previously easy for me to navigate like driving at night or being home alone.

It’s all given me a reality check and a greater understanding for motherhood communities. It’s not women being “extra,” there really is a need for a sacred group that you can just be honest with about all the things you’re feeling. As I’ve said before, pregnancy and now motherhood has shown me that you cannot judge or criticize something you’ve never experienced for yourself. That has been the greatest lesson of them all for me.

I’m writing this post as I’m in the bathroom enjoying my first moments alone because he’s asleep and I have to take advantage of the one to two hour window of time that I have to get things done. So if that means blogging while peeing, so be it! LOL!

I will say that even though this thing is a constant process of trial and error, the highs make all the lows worth it. That’s a fact.






P.S. – He started crying before I could publish this post. LOL

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