The Jessica Diaries

The Jessica Diaries: Everything Is Different

Everything is different since I became a mom. Literally, everything.

From the way I think about life and my relationships with others to my daily routine and what I give my attention to, every aspect of my entire existence is new to me. Marley is only two months old so I’m still observing, learning and adjusting to all that comes with becoming a parent and raising a family of your own. It’s hard not to talk about it.

The best way I can describe this “difference” is that many of the things that I used to care about no longer bother me. Those things have been replaced with purposeful and intentional thoughts and actions, if that makes sense. Now that I’m responsible for a human life, everything that I choose to give attention and time to must serve a real purpose that will be beneficial in some way to myself and/or my family.

Yesterday our pastor preached about selfishness and I realized how selfish I was (and sometimes still am) before I had a baby.

I lived life based on what I wanted to do, not always considering the impact of my decisions on others in the long run. Sometimes my decisions led others to feel neglected or unloved or even disrespected and sad. Of course that was never my intention but I didn’t have the mind frame that my life wasn’t all about me.

It’s a hard pill to swallow, but I get it now.

During my pregnancy I was consumed with thoughts and anxiety about how my life would change. I couldn’t comprehend how the transition would feel. How could I function with a child on my mind all day? After all, that’s what I’d heard other parents say. It frightened me because I didn’t want to lose myself in the mix.

But I did.

Some days I don’t know who I am anymore because it all happened so quickly.

It isn’t necessarily a bad thing even though initially it was heartbreaking for me. I’ve learned that it’s just part of the transition and once all your hormones have stabilized, you’ll begin to see life through a new lens.

Everything is different but in a very good way.

I’m so inspired by the smallest things – nature, someone’s smile, good vibes and the list goes on. I’m on such a natural high that negativity doesn’t grab and hold my attention like it did before. I see things and I don’t see them if you know what I mean. I’m happy and I believe it’s showing. I just want to do good and help others…that’s a difference I can get jiggy with!

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