Inspiration, The Jessica Diaries

The Jessica Diaries: A Reminder

Life comes at you fast. One day you could be on top of the world and the next day you’re fighting to smile. Sometimes it just goes like that – and we are all aware of the possibility.

The past few days have been long for me, mostly because I’ve been participating in Vlogmas and trying to actually make good on my commitment to be successful with it. Maybe it’s the gloomy, cold weather that is playing with my emotions. Maybe it’s watching people close to me go through hardships and trying to be there for them as and when I have hardships of my own. Maybe it’s just “one of them days” that Monica sang about.

Whatever it is, I decided to shake it off after being reminded that life could be a whole lot worse.

Right now I’m probably going through the toughest season in my life that I’ve ever experienced and it’s affecting me mentally, emotionally and physically. I mean…hello…I’m 6 1/2 months pregnant. I’ll be a mother for the first time. Spring Break will take on a new meaning. I’ll be preparing for the delivery of our baby. This coming Easter Sunday, I’ll be dressing a baby boy like an Easter bunny for photos. Get my point? I’m having a “what the hell did I get myself into” moment over here.

Not only that, the thought of his life and the quality of it depending on me and his dad is frightening because my easy going, adrenaline pumping, financially up and down, no routine necessary life as an entrepreneur isn’t quite in the stage it needs to be to support myself and half of a baby’s needs. So more than likely I’ll be returning to the traditional work force. Bummer…. I always wanted to be a stay-at-home-mom. *sad face*

Let’s not forget the hormonal impact pregnancy is having on me. I cry at the snap of a finger or if someone raises their voice too loud. I’m officially wobbling due to the pressure and pains in my pelvic area that make walking a chore. My back aches so much it burns, which makes a full, dream like night of sleep a distant memory. And the list goes on.

All of those factors have played a part in me having a complaining spirit, for lack of a better phrase.

I’ve been thinking a lot about what I don’t have, which makes me worry and obsessive. I’ve been thinking about what I need and it makes me worry even more. I’m looking at my body change and I actually love my baby bump but there are moments when it annoys me – like when I can’t find anything to wear. So then I complain about not looking the way I want.

I’m a member of a forum that includes other women who are due to deliver babies during the same month as I am. Today one of the mothers-to-be posted that she had lost her baby and guess what?

She was the same exact number of weeks and days along as I am.

To say that her post gave me a reality check is an understatement. My immediate thought was of course how difficult it must be for her and that thought led to me imagining what it must feel like. And now, as I write, I’m thanking God that my child is moving around like the busy body he’s been the whole pregnancy and it makes me appreciate just the fact that he is still with us.

If I think about it all of my needs are met. I have shelter, clothing (even if it doesn’t fit 100% like I want it to), food to eat (even if it makes me sick or isn’t what I want to eat at the time), transportation, some income (even if it isn’t as much as it was or as frequent as it was at one point in time), supportive family and friends and my relationship is in a good place. Let’s not forget that my child is growing, moving around and as healthy as he can be.

Life really is good…even when it’s bad.

I’m going to try hard not to complain and remember that things could be worse. You don’t have to watch the news more than 5 minutes to know that. If I’m completely honest with you, this chapter of my life is giving me the characteristics that I always wanted. I’m becoming fearless, I know how to say no and actually mean it without feeling bad, I’m more disciplined with money, I’m better at communicating my feelings and I’m taking risks that have all paid off so far.

As I said before, this baby has changed my life already. What we look at as mistakes always have a greater purpose because God doesn’t make mistakes. It’s up to us to hone in on what we know to be true and figure out what the purpose for whatever we’re going through is.

Now my goal for the week is to have one whole day without uttering a single complaint. I’ll let ya’ll know how it goes.


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