It’s not because I’m bombarded with work or anything like that…it’s just that sometimes life can really test your strength by throwing situation after situation at you.
Since late June/early July, I’ve literally had major things to happen one after the other. From health scares to relationships being broken, restored and broken again to walking away from my job and impulsively going to stay in another city for a while – things have been insane around these parts!
By nature, unless you know me on an extremely personal and intimate level, I am a very private and introverted person especially when it’s involving something in my personal life. The hardest thing for me to do is to go through things while sharing the same space as others.
What I mean is that I like to handle and push through my emotions in private. After I’ve come to terms with them, then and only then am I open to share them with others or talk about my experiences. It’s the exact opposite of how I am about my business ventures and struggles as an entrepreneur. I’m an open book for anyone when it comes to that but trying to get me to open up about what’s going on with me below the surface? No way.
Within the last two or three weeks, I’ve been the most vulnerable that I’ve been in a long while and I’ve been forced by the Universe to deal with my vulnerability in front of others. Talk about uncomfortable…
The benefits of having a therapist as one of my best friends is that even when I don’t want to open up or admit certain things, she always manages to crack my shell. By the time she has cracked it, I find myself doing most of the talking (code for asking a million rhetorical questions) and she listening more than trying to counsel me.
She has helped me to see that even in my darkest moments, I can still inspire others and cause them to reflect on their lives so I must never be so embarrassed or ashamed that I run away from people and place huge barriers around me. So while I’m still uncomfortable with how I’ve been forced to deal with these things, I understand that in my personal woe, there is still a purpose greater than me. I keep going back to the books that I recently finished reading and the principles I learned still jump out at me.
Everything is written by the same hand…everything is bound by the same link….nothing is by coincidence….
When I think about it that way, I can be a little less embarrassed and more thankful because whatever is at work in my life isn’t just meant for me to see. Maybe someone in my close, intimate circle needs to watch me go through it for some reason.
Maybe the hardest thing for me to do is the very thing that I have to do.