Sex, Love & Relationships

The Act Of Loving Someone: How To Tell If You’re Really In Love

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As I get older, I’m understanding more and more what loving someone actually means and feels like.

I recently read an article on the Huffington Post about a man who didn’t love his wife as and when he got married to her and it immediately made me think about how many times we’ve told someone that we loved them, but really didn’t. I’ve only technically been in two “real” relationships, excluding the one I’m in now, and out of those two I only really loved one of the guys.

The first guy was who I went on my first date with (my mom made me wait until my 16th birthday to go on the date and if I remember correctly, he and I just went to the mall LOL), the first guy I put a framed picture on my night stand of and the first guy who broke my little teenage heart. I thought I was madly in love with him because we kissed and hugged and went on dates and I wore his basketball number to all his games and his parents loved me and all that good stuff. But I didn’t love him nor did he love me.

The second guy is who I would say was my first love. How do I know? Because of the actions I made while we were together, not because of any emotions I felt toward him.

Love is not an emotion, it’s an act.

Love is giving.

Love is self-less, putting someone else’s needs before your own.

Love is devotion.

Love is acting with patience, humility and kindness.

Love forgives.

Being all mushy on the phone and all over each other in public is not love – and it damn sure isn’t tweeting about it or posting a thousand Instagram photos of you and your boo. Sure those emotions are amazing and feel great – but they don’t always last…especially not when you’ve been with someone for years. Eventually that emotional fire will fizzle.

Think about the number of people who believe love is what we see in Disney movies and on reality shows. You would think love is this feeling that lasts forever and ever. Could that possibly be why the divorce rate is so high and couples are no longer being faithful to each other? People are chasing emotions they had during the dating phase, trying to star in their own Disney movie. Nothing is wrong with that, but it kind of sets you up for false expectations. Expectations that your spouse or significant other will never be able to meet – not even on their best days.

As Elad said in his article, let’s redefine love because until we do, loveless marriages, high divorce rates and infidelity will continue to be common in our society.

(Image via Tumblr)

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