Sex, Love & Relationships

[Reader Request] Professional, Black and Unmarried…For Life

I received another topic submission and it just happened to also be about relationships! It’s so ironic that we all go through the same situations and have the same questions. This particular topic is based off of Hill Harper’s best selling novel, “The Conversation: How Black Men and Women Can Build Loving, Trusting Relationships”.

Fortunately I own this book and can actually give an honest opinion on the subject matter. I have highlighter marks all through my copy, LOL!

So here is her question:

In Hill Harper’s “The Conversation,” he states that “70% of professional black women are unmarried” So 7 out of 10 of my female associates, line sisters, etc. will not be married? Why do you think this is? Too Career Oriented? Fewer Options?

Good one, right?

I just talked about this yesterday…well, I kinda did. Its tough to choose between your career or having a family and it sucks to have to deal with statistics like that for simply wanting to pursue your dreams. I can relate to this, but not completely.

In my case, I’ve already been in a long-term relationship so I don’t really have to get out in the dating world now that I’m becoming more career focused. BUT I am faced with decisions that could benefit my career but hurt my love life.

To answer her question, I think that most professional women go unmarried because we (I’m including myself in this) tend to let the profession determine what we should have in a man. Maybe I didn’t phrase that correctly, but let me explain…

When you’re young, Black and educated…no kids…plans for the future…experienced and articulate, just to name a few, people expect you to attract a certain kind of mate. I’ve found that the more I learn about myself, the more I learn about what type of man I want. I think not knowing what you really want is the starting point of the bad statistics.

People expect you to have a mate who is equally as educated and prepared for the future as you are. That can give you a misconception of what you want in a future spouse. It’s easy to think that that is the type of man/woman you want as and when everyone else seems to think so. The only thing it does is limit your options.

What if the man that is meant for you isn’t as educated? What if he works in a minumum wage job but works his a** of to be a good provider? Would you be embarrassed? Maybe our checklists are too long. I’m not trying to say lower your standards, but let’s set them reasonably. I think professional women miss out on marriage because they feel that a lot of men aren’t necessarily worthy to be with them. Not ALL, but you get what I mean.

Also, some women have this arrogance that they are entitled to a certain type of man…being educated doesn’t automatically make you the number one wife candidate. One of my favorite bloggers wrote about this not too long ago…when I can find the link to his post, I’ll make sure to update this post with it.

Overall, I think it’s unfair that the numbers are so against Black women. I’m interested in knowing what other people think. Feel free to weigh in!

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