What do you do when you’re dealing with someone you’re interested in, who is also interested in you, but isn’t ready for a title or anything else that will take your relationship with each other to a more serious level?
Meet the relationship dilemma that is becoming more and more common, especially among people in my age group (I’m 25 by the way) – the emotionally unavailable person.
Notice I said “person” instead of “men” or “women” because this state of being is not particular to a gender. At some point we all have been or could be emotionally unavailable. The reasons for this are different depending on the person. Maybe their career is what’s most important to them right now, maybe they just got out of a relationship and aren’t ready to jump into another one or perhaps they’re on their Prince Akeem sh*t and just wanna “sow their royal oats.” Whatever the case, one thing about dealing with an emotionally unavailable person is that you will set yourself up for failure and disappointment if you don’t get an understanding – in the beginning – and keep it that way.
I’ll use myself as an example because I’m currently emotionally unavailable.
I would like to eventually be with someone and I’ve gone on a date or two, but I’m not interested in being in a relationship just yet. Why? For starters, I’m no longer dating for fun. I would like any man I share my life with from this point on to be husband material and it takes time to figure that out – time that I need to spend elsewhere (i.e. building and growing my blog, getting myself together, etc). Another reason is that I’m just not ready to get serious with anyone. Point blank period.
My friend is emotionally unavailable as well and it works. We see each other when we see each other, we don’t argue, we don’t have sex (because we’re emotionally unavailable and sex brings what? *ding ding* emotional attachment!), we have meaningful, deep conversations and we are taking things very slow. We want to do things the right way. We have the understanding that we do like each other and when the time is right and when we’re both ready to enter into a committed relationship, we’ll do that.
The key is that we communicate and have an understanding. Many times, people rush into things without really talking and establishing what “it” is and that’s where we go wrong.(Daana taught me that.) Developing feelings for someone who isn’t trying to share the same feelings is NOT what’s up and because you all aren’t on the same page, you could end up messing up a good thing before it even really gets started.
I’m taking the stance that my friend Lincoln always takes…I’m not giving advice, just insight based on my personal experiences and those of my friends. As cliche as it sounds, communication is the key to dealing with someone who doesn’t have any emotions to give or share with you. Find that part out as soon as possible so that you don’t risk falling for someone who isn’t trying to fall for you. And if you’re emotionally unavailable like me, be honest about that so you don’t give someone the wrong impression.
What are your thoughts? Have you ever dealt with an emotionally unavailable person?