Please Stop Policing My Womanhood

I’ve just about freaking had it. (Can you tell by the way I wrote that sentence?)

A little over a month ago, I filmed a YouTube video on this very subject after observing people during homecoming weekend for my alma mater. I ended up deleting the video because I felt like everything I was saying would fall on deaf ears and people would more than likely miss the overall point I was making. But since social media has been stirring with opinions on Ayesha Curry’s (the 26-year-old wife of NBA star, Steph Curry) tweets, I decided that I cannot be silent.

Nope. Not gonna do it.

Before I get started, I just want to say for the record that I am an Ayesha Curry fan. I can’t make a factual statement about who she is as a person because I don’t know her personally. I only gather and assume certain things about her through social media just like most of the people who are either standing up for her or disagreeing with her – but I like her! I’m subscribed to her YouTube channel and I’ve even joked with someone about how if we were to get married, I’d continue to blog and be a stay at home wife raising our kinky-haired baby girls.

So yeah, I’m #TeamCurry.

Now read these next few sentences carefully…

Curry has a right to her opinion, I’m not mad at her for it either. Her opinion simply opened the door for this conversation to take place.

I don’t think what she said was “wrong,” she was simply sharing her clothing preferences. Now the way she said it is a different story, but I’m not really mad about that either.

My issue is more so with the people who glorified what she said (and their reasons for doing so).

As a woman it is so damn hard to simply love yourself everyday for who you are in a world that won’t embrace or support you freely being yourself and living your life how you see fit.

Having people (men and women alike) police you on how you choose to live, dress, speak, “behave,” and so on is annoying as hell and no one has a right to define what it means for you (or me) to be a woman.

Some of you will say I feel guilty (but you can check my Instagram if you think I feel like she called me out LOL) and that’s fine because your opinion will not change who I am. It may change how you think about me, but that’s fine too. Life isn’t a popularity contest.

But whether you like it or not, you cannot police my womanhood.

I saw a plethora of comments on both ends of the spectrum ranging from how “Steph has a winner” to how men use this same good girl vs. hoe debate to shame women who dress provocatively.

First of all, a person’s level of “winning” cannot be gauged in two tweets. You don’t know what she’s like at home. So, next.

Let’s look at what we know about her. She and Steph have dated at least since college, she got married in 2011 at the age of 22 (extremely young) so most of her aduItlife she has been a wife, she’s married to a celebrity basketball player and has access to the fine things in life. That’s not the reality of most women and it’s reasonable to feel that she was being a little “goody two shoes” as and when she made that comment or as The Root put it, she was on a high horse.

It’s easy to be wholesome and look low while you’re sitting high if you’ve always been a wife and have been groomed to be in the public eye.

She has pressure to be perfect and keep up a certain image that many women her age don’t have. They’re simply living their lives and learning as they go. It’s unfair and ignorant to say all trendy clothes are trashy or class-less because that’s simply not true. It’s unfair and ignorant to say that women who show a little (or a lot of skin) are doing so because they think random men matter. How would she (or you) ever know the reasons for that?

This reminds me of how people went in on Meagan Good for the dress she wore to an awards show.

And while I’m at it…for those of you telling women not to wear makeup or they wear too much or too little…have a seat. Why can’t a woman wear makeup if she wants to? She isn’t doing it for you! Who says all women aspire to be wives? What if they don’t want to revolve every decision they make around the possibility of being wifed? What makes getting the man a prize? Who says the criteria for a potential spouse is the same criteria that you have??

I could go on (and I will in my video this week) but being a woman is so exhausting.

We don’t have the ability to choose the right clothes to wear. We don’t know how to look pretty enough for everyone that looks at us. We can’t change up our look or get glamorous because we should prefer our natural, bare faces. We can’t wear our hair the way we want because everyone doesn’t look good with natural hair but weave means we don’t love the way we look.

Damn…should I just become a Stepford Wives robot and pick which woman society says I can be and be her? You know…since I can only be a good woman or an insecure slut. *rolls eyes*

It’s ok to like what you like but it’s not ok to judge people who don’t fit into that box. Society is so judgmental and we wonder why people have mental breakdowns or commit suicide. We don’t know how to respect each other’s differences and love in spite of. You can provide direction to someone who is misguided without tearing them down. You can like to dress in turtlenecks but that doesn’t give you the authority to judge someone who prefers scoop neck shirts. Her tweet was judgmental, point blank period and I’m not down with that.

I like to keep myself covered up but from time to time I do show skin. I’m sure that if I became a wife and mother tomorrow a lot of what I do would change, my wardrobe being the least of those things. I love my curls but I like wearing weave when I want to switch up my look. I love makeup and I wear it to fit however I’m feeling that day.

I’m perfectly fine with that, which means that I don’t need you to be. What are you going to do, write me a ticket for not being a good woman? Chile please.

*drops mic*

Be sure to subscribe to my YouTube channel to catch the first episode of ‘The Gist,’ a new pop culture video series I’m filming. I’ll be sharing more about this story as well as current news and events!


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