People In Your Ear: Do You Listen?

(Photo credit: rapidmoviez.com)

Last night I watched the premiere of “LaLa’s Full Court Life: Season 2” on vH1 and was inspired to write this post. To make a long story short, LaLa hired an assistant for Melo to make their lives more managable. Everyone was talking about how pretty she was (I didn’t see it) and why LaLa should be weary of her spending so much time around her hubby.

When it was first brought to her attention, LaLa defended her decision of hiring the assistant. She really did not feel that the girl had/has ill intentions or would ever try to sleep with Mel. And above all else, she trusted her husband.

But as the episode progressed, LaLa started becoming insecure about her decision and even started giving the assistant the side-eye until she eventually scheduled a dinner date and just flat out asked the girl if she was sleeping with Mel (like she’d be honest about it anyway). Of course the assistant said no and all was well again…Here’s my take on it and relationships period…

Personally, I would not hire a young female to manage my husband’s day-to-day activities. I really feel like that is my job as his wife. If our lifestyles were crazy busy and we needed extra help, I think I’d need the help more than he would since I ‘d still be overseeing his business and mine, plus the kids if we had any. But on the same note, if my husband wanted to cheat and had decided to act on that desire, hiring a female assistant wouldn’t make much of a difference.

Now LaLa stated several times throughout the episode that she trusted both Mel and his assistant. She didn’t have those “vibes” most women experience or feel as and when their man (or anyone for that matter) is up to no good. But after letting everyone in her ear about the situation, she began to doubt her feelings. I don’t blame her for confiding in others nor do I blame her for addressing the situation directly. But what I am sort of on the fence about is allowing people to get in your ear so much that you doubt something without even having any proof or any signs.

We all come from different walks of life and we’re all attracted to different types of people and as much as we may share similar experiences when it comes to relationships, no two instances are ever the same.

A romantic relationship is meant to be between two people and the fact of the matter is….you can’t take just anyone’s advice.

Here are some points to consider before taking advice from someone about your relationship:

  1. Credibility – Does this person have any relationship credibility to be advising you in the first place? Do they hop from bed to bed (which signals more serious issues)? Have they ever been involved in a serious relationship that lasted more than 2 years? Are they cheating on their significant other? Have they been divorced? Married several times? You get the picture…
  2. Motives – Is it possible that this person could have other motives than just simply wanting to “see you happy”? Has this person ever given you reason to believe they were attracted to you? Have they ever had sketchy behavior that made you think they could be possibly attracted to your significant other? Are they close friends with anyone who has a problem with you? Anyone you have a problem with? Have they ever seemed jealous or over-critical of you? Are they happy in their relationship? Are they single and have expressed lonliness or a desire for companionship?
  3. Life Experiences/Beliefs – Have they been cheated on repeatedly? Do they know what love is? Have they experienced love? Do they believe in love? Are they bitter towards the opposite bad word? Have they always been around unhealthy relationships? Do they believe in making things work? Do they believe in fighting for who you love? Do they give up easily? Are they a doormat?

I’m sure there are more to add to the list, but I try to consider all of the above points before I even open my mouth about my problems. Now just discussing problems you share in common with someone is one thing, but seeking advice is a totally different ball game because then you open your mind to what they believe and it really can play a part in how you behave. I don’t discuss anything that I haven’t experienced first-hand…so I’ve been through receiving bad advice from people who have no credibility whatsoever.

Did I miss anything? What would you add? Would you have done the same thing LaLa did?

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