Are you that person or know a person that doesn’t like to accept responsibility for their actions? You have an excuse for every little detail of yourself and life. I can say that I was once that person and still try not to be that person in certain situations.
It is so much easier to blame others for the issues that we carry or to use the past as an excuse for future issues. Truth is, it isn’t easier.
Ultimately I don’t like confrontation so to avoid it; I would make up any excuse to make the person feel sympathy rather than anger. At the time it was easier to have people feel sorry for the certain characteristics I possessed rather than them call me on my bullsh*t. It wasn’t until I got older and met someone that played the victim role better than I did.
This friend had an excuse for nearly everything and it drove me crazy because I couldn’t understand how she could make an excuse for simple things, like why she was always late. It came to a point that I just thought she was a liar until we had a heart to heart and I saw my reflection in her eyes while she explained her story. She was insecure about her appearance which equaled her taking more time than usual to get ready which made her late to every event; She was terrified of commitment because she’s never seen love; she only had one female friend because she thought that all girls were out to get her and she could never get along with other women.
Now at the time she was telling me these things I felt sorry for her because she had a lot going on and as her friend that also made excuses all the time, there was nothing that I could say to her. After the heartfelt conversation I thought long and hard about what she told me, I came to the conclusion that she just needed some therapy to deal with her issues because she was only making excuses for her negative characteristics and not doing anything to change them. Once making that recommendation to her she told me I should do the same and I told her therapy wasn’t my thing and I didn’t have any problems. The difference between my friend and myself was that she acknowledge that she blamed other people for her problems but me on other hand was going to be stubborn and never admit it.
Few weeks later my sister told me about myself which ultimately led me to therapy with my therapist telling me that I can’t allow my past to control my future and to stop making excuses. My past has already occurred and I was allowing them to take control of my life because I did not want to accept responsibility for what has already taken and can’t change. My therapist told me either I was going to change these negative characteristics or let them consume my life. Eventually, it became a part of my life to not blame the people that previously hurt me for my reasoning of being so cold and unhappy. That was just an excuse for me to continue to lack responsibility in my actions.
Life is about choices. So are you going to accept your past and move on or let it consume your life and make excuses as to why you aren’t the person you intended to be?
Source: Eve Jane Clair
Eve Jane Clair is an online community run by three friends determined to highlight and discuss perspectives and passions of women of color. Visit them online at EveJaneClair.com. You can also follow them on Twitter @EveJaneClair and on Instagram @EveJaneClair.