As I get older I’m having to make life changing decisions that not only affect me, but also the people around me. And while I know its my life and how I live it is my choice, sometimes I let the pressure of pleasing those around me become overwhelming.
However, the diamond in the rough is learning when to say no and when to put yourself first. At some point you have to become in tune with what pleases your soul and satisfies your spirit. One thing helping me become comfortable with saying no nowadays is a personal mantra I’ve derived for myself: if something or someone troubles my soul and it doesn’t add positive energy or life through talk, deed, action, or energy, then it is not for me and I must remove myself!
One gift that I have been blessed with is motivating others whether it be with encouraging words, ideas, or recognition. Sometimes, this gift can be taken for granted. I’m often presented with propositions to help with a project or come up with ideas for others. I love that people think I’m creative but it is equally important for me to know when to say no when I am able to discern when I’m being used. And I know discernment may not come easy but actions speak volumes: some people don’t call until they need you! You can’t be there for others 24/7 when you’re not being there for yourself.
Another example. You know the saying “misery loves company”? Many times people equate this to a person who wants someone around who is down in the dumps like them. This is true. And furthermore, some people only want a friend to listen to their problems and that’s it. You know that person you call and ask “how you doin” and they spill out the bad, sad, and the depression EVERY time with no joy or no happiness to share and not even a “how you doing” back? Being that listening ear all the time can make you become miserable. And 9 times out of 10 they’re gonna take your motivation you’ve fed them so generously and turn it into poo, not nourishment. So in the spirit of feeding your soul positivity and life you have to know when to cut it off!
I know it may sound harsh but you can’t fix everything or everyone. By all means be an unselfish and loving person, I’m not saying don’t be a friend, but be friend to yourself! Know when to say no to being that “dump” for everyone, all the time. And this is why I commend pastors, priests, and counselors, cause I bet about 70% of their life is dedicated to hearing people’s problems. But in order to stay filled with joy is to say no to letting someone’s dump or misery become yours! Dump it off you!
My intuition is everything. And because of my faith, I personally compare intuition to the Holy Spirit, a sweet, still, voice within. A broader definition of intuition is an instinctive feeling. We discredit our instinctive feelings more times than many! Ever say to yourself “I shouldn’t go to this party or function with my friends this evening” and in the spirit of not being a party pooper you say yes anyway. Only to be there the whole time regretting your decision, while thinking, I should have went with my first mind. Listen to your intuition! Respect that inner voice that tells us to slow down, don’t go there, don’t take that, don’t date that person, don’t listen to him, say no! In the end, you will be glad you did! And here’s another gem: knowing when to say no and being confident in your stance shows growth in your life. It shows that you value yourself. So for those who have mastered this craft, congrats! And for those who are working on it, be encouraged!! And for those who have a problem with hearing no, get over yourself!
Keep pressing and just say no!