People talk all the time about how closure from certain situations and life events help them during the moving forward process.
The harsh reality of life is that sometimes we don’t have the luxury of getting closure – we just have to move on. I’ve been faced with this issue a time or two and I’m actually struggling with it now. But not in the way you probably think I am.
You ever missed someone so much that you’re like ten seconds away from calling them up, arranging a meeting and then picking up where you all left off? I’ve contemplated doing just that like three or four times in the last three weeks.
Let me explain…
I had a friend. Not just any friend…a friend who I grew to trust, care for and love. I didn’t imagine that we’d get as close as
I thought we were and as and when we did, it just felt so natural. I never felt forced to hang around this friend nor did I feel like we’d ever NOT be friends. I truly enjoyed their company and to this day, I’ve shared things with this person that I haven’t shared with other people who are just as close to me.
It’s been about 8 months (give or take a month) since we last spoke but I remember hanging out together like it was yesterday…especially since the summer is here and that was when we really got close. So much has changed in both of our lives and it really gets to me that I can’t offer my support, check in or just be there like old times for this old friend. But following the demise of our friendship, this person did some things that made me change my perception of them.
We didn’t end our friendship on bad terms, nor did we “fall out”. We just…stopped talking (for the sake of not going into too much detail). So it used to bother me that this person felt so ill toward me. (Notice the past tense, I don’t know how they currently feel.) But the fact that there was no closure has left a “mystery” as to what actually happened.
I want to reach out, but the fact that this person intentionally did things to get to me is what makes me pump the brakes on every thought I have of trying to clear things up between us – which makes me wonder is closure really necessary?
Some people say no, but for me, the unanswered questions are standing in the way of me being able to just say, “Ah, forget about ’em.” That’s never been my character. I can’t just erase people out of my life without any parting words. I feel like its better that way and everything can at least be explained. You don’t have to come out of the situation as friends or enemies…just adults who have a better understanding and can now move forward.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not at home every day crying and looking through old Facebook photos. It has just been on my mind more than ever lately and I don’t know how I feel about it.
If you are reading, I really miss you and hope that everything is going great in your life. :-)