I’m Changing

IMG_20140405_114924-1I’ve noticed over the last few months that I’ve changed…a lot. My interests have changed, the way I view myself has changed, what I’m attracted to has changed, what I will and will not tolerate has changed, what I want from life has changed (sort of), what’s important to me has changed and best of all, my relationship with God has changed.

If we don’t change, we don’t grow. If we don’t grow, we aren’t really living. – Gail Sheehy

I can’t remember as and when it all began, but I’ve felt it happening for a while now. I was fighting it because I was worried about the wrong thing – what other people would think. Now I couldn’t care less about what someone thinks of me because I am 100% happy and it’s a happiness that no one can take away from me.

My Interests
Gone are the days that I worry about what everyone else is doing. I used to look at my Instagram feed and feel that I was missing out on different things because I was choosing to spend more time feeding my spirit, working on my business and creating memories with my loved ones. (What’s even crazier is that I don’t even get on Instagram anymore unless I post something…which has become less and less frequent as well. I never would have thought it!) I don’t get fulfillment from going out to clubs or being “in the mix” anymore. I actually feel like I’ve wasted time when I do those things. How I have fun and experience life has evolved into doing things that create meaning in my life.

To improve is to change; to be perfect is to change often. – Winston Churchill

Looking In The Mirror
I’ve written about my struggle with self-esteem in the past so you may be familiar with it but I used to want to be perfect. I wanted to be like the women on TV, in magazines, on billboards, in music videos, the list goes on. I was never satisfied with how I looked. I wanted to wear all the dramatic makeup and the trendiest clothing but one day I realized that doing those things doesn’t make me any different from the next woman on the outside. I like that I’m different and I don’t feel the need to conform or change anything about me anymore.

I’m totally happy with my body and the fact that I don’t like wearing heels everyday. I’m OK with not having a huge butt and I’ve embraced my face without makeup. When my Lion tells me how pretty I am, I actually believe him instead of wondering if he really means it.

While I still have preferences for men I would consider dating, I’ve become more attracted to a man’s mind rather than his looks. I want to know if you have a plan, if you are good with money, if you can handle an ambitious, go-getter woman, if you have children, I want to know if you’re a good father, are you willing to get your hands dirty, do you care about the inner Jessica and do you have a relationship with God? Tell me those things! I don’t care about the car you drive or how much money you have. I’ve never been worried about those things, but what I look for in a man has changed tremendously.

I have finally, finally mastered the art of standing up for myself and not letting someone take advantage of me or my feelings. I don’t tolerate disrespect and I don’t let someone tell me how to run my business or get over on me. This is one of the changes I’m most proud of. I literally would put everyone and their mama’s feelings before mine but I don’t anymore. I’ve been through so much and I can finally stand up for myself. It feels so good!

What’s Important To Me
Living a life that is pleasing to God has become my number one priority. I used to think that in order to be a “good Christian” I had to stop doing a lot of what makes me who I am. That is so far from the truth! Living for God doesn’t mean I can’t have fun and enjoy life.

It’s also important that I stay true to myself and never sell out. In the kind of business that I do, it’s very easy to sell out for money or for page views and I don’t want to be another person who does that. I don’t want to go against my morals, ethics and integrity for fame or fortune. It’s much more important to me to feel good about my decisions.

The only way to make sense out of change is to plunge into it, move with it, and join the dance. – Alan Watts

Embracing change is really helping me as I go through this transitional phase of my life. Instead of resisting it, I’m welcoming it because I know that these changes are only going to make my life even better. If you’re going through a transitional period as well, just embrace it and enjoy the ride.

For inspirational quotes about change, click here.


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