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I Did It (Part 1)

jessica-simien

“And, as and when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.” The Alchemist

God is so good and I mean that sincerely. I can’t even begin to write this particular post without acknowledging that.

I used to wonder why certain people always talk about God this and God that, but I get it now. When you can’t explain how things happen and why they happen and how you shouldn’t have made it out but you did (I call those miracles), you can’t help but talk about the goodness of God. It is through His goodness that I am able to say that I am now a full-time entrepreneur. 

No, I didn’t save up tens of thousands of dollars to make the switch. No, I didn’t get lucky and catch a big break and no, no one took over my bills to allow me to pursue my dream. All I did was follow the signs…the omens…the fingerprints that God was leaving for me to see.

“Life isn’t meant to be impossible to understand. We should be able to recognize God’s fingerprints in our lives. It is then up to us to decide whether we will cooperate with what He is doing, both in our hearts and in our world.” The Dream Giver

*******

“In order to find the treasure, you will have to follow the omens. God has prepared a path for everyone to follow. You just have to read the omens that he left for you.” The Alchemist

If you think I sound crazy or I’m brainwashed or whatever, this post isn’t for you because you don’t believe. In order for you to take a step, without knowing what’s on the other side, you must believe in yourself, your dream and a higher power to guide those steps.

I’m breaking this into two parts (or more) because I don’t want to miss anything and I know there is someone who is in the same exact position I was in that is in need of some direction or a story to go by to confirm that what they are thinking is actually right. I also want to illustrate my thought process as detailed as I can so that you can understand how important it is to pay attention to what’s going on around you. I’ll start with my state of mind right before I wrote “A Dream…On Hold?” and just take it from there.

In June I was one year in at my job at the time, working among people I loved and making a small amount of money when my mother approached me with an opportunity to more than double my income.

My whole reason for working at that particular job was because it gave me the flexibility to work on my businesses and my boss was actually my mentor. She taught me everything I needed to know to get started in business when I was a junior in undergrad. I used the knowledge she passed on to start many endeavors until I found one that worked. She supported my dream, brought me in to her workplace and gave me the freedom to come and go as I please and work on my website while I was there. It wasn’t the perfect situation (I was making less money than I was used to, paychecks sometimes came late, etc.) but I was happy for the most part. I was comfortable and I knew that I needed everything it offered to put me in a position to work for myself, forever.

So when my mother approached me with the opportunity to make more than double what I was making, I was conflicted. I had been staying with her since I moved back to Jackson until I figured out what my next move would be or when I had enough money saved to go wherever I wanted to go…whichever one came first. She was really adamant about me getting this job because she wanted me to get into my own place again and make the money that she felt I deserved. She couldn’t fathom why I would pass on the opportunity.

“The single biggest reason Border Bullies stop most of us from pursuing our God-given Dream is our fear of man. … It’s not easy to stand up against those we love and care about.” The Dream Giver

I started to become afraid…I started thinking about how I was living at home for the first time since I was 18 and now that I was 26, it was time for me to buy a home and invest my money and do all the things grown ups are supposed to do. My whole life had (past tense…it’s changed since this happened) been dedicated to making my mother proud so I applied for the job just for her. I never wanted the job because I knew what I’d be giving up and I actually got sad when I was informed that I had been selected for the position.

It didn’t feel right on the inside.

I was never ungrateful because I have friends who have been unemployed for months so I was very, very thankful for the opportunity…but understand that it did not feel right on the inside. I felt like I was making a mistake, but I did it anyway because I didn’t want my mom to be disappointed or judge me. I thought that maybe I could make it work so I tried to be optimistic. I tried to look at all the positives and benefits and it helped a little, but I never decorated my office like I said I would in that post.

I didn’t want to decorate it because I had no intentions of staying…I knew I’d get out because in my heart I didn’t believe I was supposed to be there.

The things I feared would happen started to happen, one after the other. I was unable to write consistent posts every day and it was showing in my web site statistics. When my workday was over I was so mentally exhausted (and sometimes just plain ole tired) that I didn’t have the energy to go to meetings and exercise and write…other things became more important. Instead of spending a couple of hours writing, I needed to wash clothes and fit in interviews for my blog when I could. I stopped exercising because of the time it took away from me being able to read and maintain my hairstyles and other things.

I even tried to block my schedule and give each task a time but then I had no “me time” to unplug and gather my thoughts (that is extremely important and necessary for me). It was a mess. On top of that, I had to work on the weekends at times and my job was giving me more and more responsibilities.

“And until you decide to pursue your Dream, you are never going to love your life the way you were meant to.” – The Dream Giver

I was miserable but I was trying so hard not to complain. I even wrote an article venting and asking for advice, but my morale continued to plunge.

I felt like God was saying to me, “Do you see what happens when you go against what I’ve told you?” He wasn’t punishing me, but I truly believe He was showing me what life is like when we go against the path He has for us.

I realized that I needed to trust God. If He put it in my heart, He would help me achieve it.

So, I made a plan.

I figured out how I could resign from my job and still be able to maintain a living as my businesses continued to grow. Pursuing my PhD had been on my heart all summer and then it clicked! Having a PhD would give me an opportunity to teach at the collegiate level (something I love) and I could always do that and be happy, even if my businesses don’t work. I could work on my businesses while I’m teaching, which would give me even more credibility. Not only that, being in a doctoral program is a full-time job itself so I would be able to focus solely on my business while earning my degree.

I committed in my heart that I would leave my job in January. I told a few people if the conversation came up, but this time when I spoke of my plan it was different. I didn’t let the doubts of others change it. I was committed. It even took me by surprise at times!

Believe it or not, as soon as….literally….as soon as I committed to leaving the job, things started to happen.

New opportunities through my web site came my way, people came into my life with the resources I was looking for and God started speaking to me through strangers.

I was in CUPS working on celebrity interviews when a young woman named Shalonda that I recognized from my social media accounts, approached me. We got into small talk when she began to tell me how inspirational I was to her and how she knew that I wouldn’t be at my job much longer and that God would provide for me so I shouldn’t worry about how I would survive. She shared her personal testimony and told me that she saw greatness in my future.

As soon as I got in my car, I cried and thanked God for verifying what I knew in my heart. I left the parking lot more motivated than ever and I knew that if I kept up my positive attitude, everything would work out at my job up until the end of the year.

Stay tuned for Part 2 next week…

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