How Do You Respond To “Reports” That Your Significant Other Has Cheated?

I caught the last episode of Love & Hip Hop ATL a little later than everyone else but I was inspired to write a few posts after watching a couple scenes AND reflecting on some of the tweets I saw the night the episode aired.   

Rasheeda walked in the studio and saw Scrappy and former Flava of Love contestant, Buckeey, together and showing each other affection…you know how it goes. The next night at her (Rasheeda) and Scrappy’s performance, she told the other girls about what she saw (messy). This is what I hate about some females.

I say some because I’m not this way and I know there are other women out there who wouldn’t take the approach she did. Instead, they go to people who have no involvement in the situation before they go to 1) the source and 2) the person who needs to know the information.

K. Michelle decides to take it upon herself and tell Erica (Scrappy’s on-again/off-again girlfriend and mother of his daughter) because she would want someone to tell her.

Here’s my opinion on the whole situation as someone who has experienced it…

First, I ain’t see sh*t! I’m not the type to run and tell someone that I saw their man or woman with someone else. Have I ever seen my friends’ or acquaintances’ (because Erica admitted that she was not friends with any of the women prior to their casting on the show) partners talk to other people and hang with them? Of course! Have I ever brought it up? No.

It’s not my place or my business. Would I want someone to tell me? No, because I will find out eventually – as and when I’m meant to. Having someone mess up the natural flow of information causes a lot more confusion. Trust me.

People say that “real” friends do this and do that, but there are three obvious problems with this assumption. The first problem is that people don’t have as many “real friends” as they think they do. I have one friend and one friend only that I completely trust with no questions asked. Her being the person she is, would probably tell me if she saw something anyway regardless of how I feel.

The second problem is that when confronted with something heard by a third-party source, the person who cheated will almost always lie. Take it from me, you’ll have to see it on your own before you know for sure. They’ll give this lame, tired excuse – “you can’t believe everything you hear…[insert name of whoever told you] be talking about you  behind your back” – or something to that effect.

The third most obvious problem is that too many people in your relationship is not good (no pun intended). It is really not your friend’s business what goes on and what doesn’t.

My reaction when I’ve heard reports of my then significant other cheating was just like most women. I was pissed and I confronted him as soon as I got the chance. He lied, and lied and lied until he couldn’t anymore (which also happened to be when I saw it for myself).

Did I believe my sources? For the most part, yes. Why shouldn’t I? I didn’t get angry with them or anything. If I had to rewind and experience it differently, I would have rather found out like I did in the end – not with the sources involved from the beginning.

Have you experienced this? How did you handle it? Would you tell your friend if you saw something sketchy, why or why not?

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