[Guest Post] The Side Chick Speaks: Part 2 of 2

Continued from Part 1:

We started to talk daily. I met his crew and we did some hanging out. I remember the day we had our first sit down, the sit down where I had to be truthful and so did he. I was honest, I had someone (but it wasn’t progressing like I thought it should) but I was so anxious to get to know him, what he did, what he wanted. That was until I heard what he really had to say.

He was much older than me (which I didn’t mind), he had three daughters, a not so legal occupation, a jealous ex-wife, and a woman he called “ole girl”. He told me that he wasn’t too happy, all they did was argue, and he didn’t even know how much longer they would last.

He didn’t sound so much like Mr. Right anymore but more and more like Mr. Not So Right.

He fed me a lot of shit about how they haven’t been leasing their home for a year yet so he felt stuck, how much he loved seeing his daughters happy faces as and when he walked in. Cool. Not what I wanted to hear but I couldn’t make a big fuss, I had someone too.

 As time went on, hang outs went from with his crew to just me and him. More intimate time. Then a little family situation shook my individual life up so I had to start putting all the pieces of my life into perspective.

I realized I didn’t want to cheat. I didn’t want to be phony, that just isn’t me. I told my significant other everything, simply because I didn’t know how far me and Mr.Not So Right would go. Right move? Only time would tell. This was a hard and BOLD move for me but my conscience was clear.
Time went on and every day since, me and Mr. Not So Right got better. We got closer. He got more affectionate. The conversations and discussions did too. Was this more than a hookup? A side chick thing? Time told me it was. He started saying those words to me. I LOVE YOU. Shocking to hear – but our connection told me he wasn’t lying. This was really happening. I was falling too. I could admit it. But how in the hell could I forget about the other chick?

I couldn’t but I pushed those thoughts aside. I got to know and love him more and more. Then it happened. The day that changed our lives FOREVER.
I took the test three times. Each result was the same. Pink. Two lines. It was BOLD. It was clear. HCG was there. Yes, I’m pregnant with Mr. Not So Right’s baby. Not a good look.

I called him immediately and told him. Of course he was shocked, the both of us were. Did the drinks and the green have us that cloudy? How could we slip up like this? We talked for a minute and he left me with, ” You know what we gotta do”. WTF? But Mr. Not So Right was right. Baby? So soon? I didn’t see how this could be good. The most difficult part to swallow was seeing him after I broke the news.

The next morning we met up. I had cried about it, thought about it. The hardest thing was facing reality that we didn’t need a baby. He kept reminding me of that. We hugged up in silence. He asked me what I wanted to do – I was unsure. It took me back to my baby’s father who hadn’t done anything for his daughter the two and a half years she’d been alive. Could I raise two on my own? I’ve been so independent I couldn’t even factor him in my plans for the future.

But I knew that I WASN’T down for abortions or adoptions especially not with a man I loved. We could work it out. Shockingly, he was cool.

His abortion talk changed to “I’m down with you, I’ll never leave you alone”.

I had trust in this man. I went all in at that moment, nothing else mattered, not even “ole girl”. He left me saying, ” If we’re not getting rid it it, be happy, don’t cry, let’s make the best of it”. From that day on we have. No steps back. I met the family: his moms, sisters. They all knew and accepted me and the new addition. Acceptance felt good. No matter who I had to share it with.

As of today we’re still together. Still happy and in love waiting on our little princess to arrive. He’s been the best man I could ever share a gift so precious with. He cares and it shows, everyday.

Our relationship is A1 except that she’s still in the picture. But the funny thing is I don’t want me and our relationship to devastate her or to take him from his girls. I couldn’t see me acting out in any way to purposely hurt another woman. I’ve never been jealous. So I chill.

I hide my feelings sometimes to keep the peace, to not complicate either of our lives. But it takes sacrifice. It takes a strong woman to have enough patience to share her perfect man. But as long as we have each other and an understanding, things will work out.

Ladies: It takes a well-grounded woman to love. A strong, self-loving woman to understand perfection is a goal that can never be reached but will constantly be worked towards. It takes two to love and to keep it going and growing.

Men aren’t always the one’s who fall short. We do too. In the words of my FAVORITE queen Ms. Ru Paul, ” If you don’t love yourself, how the hell you gonna love somebody else??”

Find you first. Then and only then will you understand your relationship. Stop asking your girlfriends who haven’t found themselves for advice. We can only RELATE to each other not COMPARE. Encourage another woman. Accept yourself, your man, your relationship (flaws and all) and work towards what you want. Good luck with YOUR Mr. Not So Right.
Believer in REAL Love

Oh, and did I mention Keyshia Cole’s Heaven Sent will be that perfect soul-searching song?? It did me some GOOD!!

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