I’m such a planner when it comes to content on my blog, especially when there is a sequence of posts that I want to write in a very specific order. So the fact that I’m launching my Countdown to Baby series without having made a formal announcement on my blog in the way that I wanted to, annoys me.
Blame it on my hormones.
If you’re a fan of my blog’s Facebook page (if not, like my page here) or follow me on any social media platform besides YouTube, then you already know the news. If not…
I’m expecting! Surprise!
Yes, my freedom-loving…come and go as I want to…rarely budgeting…spontaneous adventurer…quiet time junkie…love kids but love them more when I can return them to their parents self is trading it all in for a little bambino of my own. Who would’ve thought? When I posted a photo of my bump online a few weeks ago, people were congratulating me and telling me how surprised they were. My first thought was…”You? Surprised? How do you think I felt?” LOL! By the way, I’m still confused about how you could be anticipating anyone being pregnant but my brain can’t even begin to try and figure that one out.
My original plan was to announce with a cute, creative video and share some of the details about my pregnancy such as how we found out and other stuff. After moving out of my apartment, misplacing my memory cards and not feeling like putting on makeup or combing my hair (don’t judge me) I decided that maybe I didn’t need to be so extra. There’s no rule that I had to make a video, right?
But here’s the thing…
When you put off things that you know you should do, it only gives you time to think of more reasons why you shouldn’t do it. Allow me to explain.
I’m a worrier by nature. Always have been, hopefully I won’t always be – but I worry about things. I just do. I tend to stress when something is out of my control and pregnancy brought my worrying out full force. Being pregnant itself is stressful and worrisome enough with all the potential health issues you may have to deal with and just the thought of having a new life growing inside of you. But talking about it? In 2016 during the height of the social media age? That’s a worry that I didn’t want to deal with.
Pregnancy has made me extremely protective of my personal space and life. As a lifestyle blogger I’m accustomed to opening up my world for consumption by my readers and followers, in a way that is still private. It’s not always easy to maintain that balance or comfortable to share your not so great parts, but it’s fulfilling in many ways especially when a reader tells you how much they can relate or how a post or video helped them out.
When we found out about the baby, we agreed that we’d share the experience to a certain extent without any hesitation. But the more that time passed and the more I learned about preparing for motherhood, my changing body and this new baby…the more reluctant I became about sharing it with the world.
I’m one of those “I love God, I’m a Christian and all that but The Lord ain’t through with me yet” kind of people. You know what I mean. I look at everyday as a new opportunity to do better than I did the day before, I forgive others because of all the times God has forgiven me and all the forgiveness that there is to come, I try my best to understand that everyone is different and won’t always handle things like me and I’m non-confrontational. However, if I’m pushed to my limit, I will sting. After all, I am a Scorpio. So if someone came for me, my partner or my unborn child – directly or indirectly – I can’t promise that I won’t react in a way that would surprise people. So to avoid having to get out of character, I avoided sharing the news.
But it just didn’t feel right.
It didn’t feel right to allow people and their opinions affect me so much that I was trying to keep such a special, life-changing moment all to myself. I had become a prisoner of public opinion, which is the opposite of the woman I strive to be. So many women, women that I look up to, had expressed how important it was for me to “use” this pregnancy to touch even more people than I have in the past and here I was being scared when nothing I could do would change what would happen anyway. The society that we live in will talk whether you’re doing good or bad, whether they know a little or a lot (because they never know everything) and yes, they talk if they know you or if you are a complete stranger. So why would you live your life based on their opinions? Seems crazy to me.
When Tony suggested that I go ahead and get started with my posts, I felt the confidence that I needed to go forth.
So with all that said, be on the lookout for my series “Countdown to Baby” where I’ll share my journey into motherhood. I already have a few posts written and ready to be published so content should be starting soon. I’ll still write about other things but my blog will be taking yet another new direction as I continue to evolve.
I think I’m finally getting excited! 😛