First I want to thank the ladies at HypeGirls for sponsoring my gender reveal giveaway. Because of them, two lucky people have won one of their signature hand made body scrubs from their Cupcake Scrubs line!
Tori M. & Channing W.
Congratulations, you were right!
It’s a boy!
Thank you to everyone who entered and in a way are celebrating with us, it means so much more than you know. I have to add that I got a kick out of everyone saying it was a girl LOL.
Now on to my thoughts about having a baby boy…
I didn’t have much to say in the ultrasound room as and when we were waiting for the baby’s genitals to appear. I was a complete ball of nerves but also excited and anxious because it had been over a month since I’d been able to hear his heartbeat and over two months since I’d last seen him on a screen. It was our 15 week appointment and there was no guarantee that we’d find out since the gender is usually revealed at the 20 week anatomy scan appointment.
Needless to say, the nurses decided we’d look for fun. He wouldn’t cooperate at first (he wanted to dab instead…he is his father’s child LOL) but after she kept poking him, he turned his itty bitty booty toward us and there it was – a little nub!
Hard to miss that one, right?
Honestly I’ve always thought that he would be a boy, even when I wasn’t sure I wanted him to be. His dad called him a boy from the very beginning, my friends all thought he was a boy and I had a feeling deep down that I’d have a son because I’m such a girly girl. Added to all of that, my mom and my sister both had all girls so I knew it would be my luck that I’d have the first boy.
I wanted a boy because his dad wanted one so desperately and on the days when I wanted kids, I always wanted both genders in no particular birth order. Although I have to admit that as we got closer to finding out, I started to secretly want a little girl because of all the cute outfits and photos I’d seen on Pinterest. I also wanted to have a mini-me and be able to do girly things with the little human I’d be spending 95% of my time with.
My Reaction Then
I cried. But not in the ultrasound room!
Let me just say that Dad was ecstatic. He was literally beaming with excitement and couldn’t sit because he was so happy to actually get the son he wanted. He even gave the gender away before I wanted to tell everyone. (But don’t worry, those people were excluded from entering the giveaway!)
After I told everyone close to me the news, I got all positive reactions – except from my mom. She’s been very vocal throughout her life about how she “doesn’t do little boys” so that was expected but at the same time, sort of made me sad. Everyone else sent all the reasons why having a boy is awesome and how he would love me forever and take care of me when he becomes an adult.
After a few hours, I was finally relieved to be able to refer to my bean as “he” and know for sure that he’s a boy but I started to become really afraid.
My main fear was just raising a son in general. I’m a woman, my brother didn’t live in the same house as us and I had no clue how to even relate to a little boy. I’d only had experience with my cousin when he was born (he’s now 18, so that was forever ago) and limited experience with an old boyfriend’s son, who was three when we met. I was afraid that I wouldn’t be able to relate to my son. I was also fearful of something happening with me and his dad’s relationship or to his dad in general that would leave me to raise him alone or with limited help. I’m not capable of teaching a boy how to be a man, no matter how great of a mother I am, because I’m not a man.
Talk about scary!
To make me feel better, we decided to go shopping for something that would make me feel close to him and anticipate his arrival more than I already was at that time. We were in the store looking at clothes and I got frustrated because they all were ugly (in my opinion) and as I turned around to find another section, I caught a glimpse of a wall full of super cute pink, fluffy girl clothes. And that’s when it happened.
I burst out in tears in the middle of the store.
His dad was so tickled that he took a photo of me and hugged me as he laughed and tried to get the store associate to look at me. To this day, I don’t know what made me cry exactly…other than these damn hormones. I don’t know if I was frustrated with the clothing selection, still afraid that I couldn’t relate or truly sad about having a boy. I have no idea.
My Reaction Now
Because my son will one day be old enough to read this, I have to articulate how I feel now and…
I absolutely cannot wait to meet my little boy!
Because I suffer from insomnia (yet another annoying pregnancy symptom) I have to do exercises to help me doze off. My favorite one is active visualization. Every night after I say my prayers and get into a comfortable position, I picture what my baby will look like.
I imagine his smile, his eyes, his skin and how it will smell, his hair and all the personality traits that he’ll have. I also picture what he’ll look like with all the long hair we’re planning to let him grow and how much love he’s going to add to my life.
It’s the precursor to the sweetest dreams.
I do still have fears from time to time but I’m more focused on the pros of having a son, like:
- Having someone who will love me forever, no matter what.
- Having extra muscle around the house – I’m going to be the Queen for real!
- Not having to deal with the sassiness and attitude of a little girl, teenage girl, aduItgirl…LOL
- Watching him play sports, instruments and whatever other cool activities he wants to participate in
- Watching the bond he’ll have with his dad
I could go on and on, just know that March can’t get here fast enough!