Control Is An ILLUSION And It’s Really Better “Not Knowing”


I’ve mentioned several times in my writing that I am a control freak. I try to control everything possible – my feelings, all the aspects of my businesses, situations and sometimes even the people around me. Needless to say, I often end up disappointed, frustrated and confused and the main reason is because there is no such thing as really having control, control is an illusion.

When we try to control things, it’s only because we have this desire to “know.” We want to make sure we know how things will end, how they’ll turn out, we want to create certain outcomes. This causes us so much unnecessary anxiety because we fear that these outcomes we want won’t happen. Even though the unknown can be scary, I’m learning more and more each day that there is beauty in it.

I never thought I’d say that, but it’s true. First, we have less anxiety as and when we don’t know, which makes us more happy. Who doesn’t want to be happy? Having less anxiety and being more happy means we’re also less desperate. We aren’t so fixated on something turning out a certain way because we know that even if it doesn’t we’ll be OK. We also give ourselves more options when we give up our need to control and surrender to the unknown. We go with the flow and allow ourselves to receive whatever it is that is meant for us. And lastly, we are more honest with ourselves and everyone else. For example, if we like someone but we’re afraid that they may hurt us, the need to control the situation and not be hurt can psych us out and make us think that we really don’t like that person as much as we do.

Like Daana always tells me, we really can’t control anything but ourselves, and sometimes that’s even debatable. We’ve been trained to set goals and make plans but how often do these fail? (Read about how mine failed miserably here.) So let’s make a promise.

I, (insert your name here), promise to accept the world as it is. I will live more in the moment instead of trying to plan every step and instead of trying to control someone, I will just be nice to them instead.

Let me know how this goes for you and I will do the same!


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